“All disease begins in the gut.”

— Hippocrates

I’ve lived with Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD) for almost 20 years now; I was initially diagnosed with pancolitis (Ulcerative Colitis) in 2002, then had total colectomy surgery and was subsequently diagnosed with fistulating Crohn’s disease. Auto-immune illnesses tend to be complex, layered pathologies, meaning there will inevitably be multiple components to a possible ‘cure’.

I am a firm believer of the idea that everyone needs to find their own path in health; in most complex auto-immune illnesses there is no one solution or wonder-drug that can cure them. They are complex illnesses where the body is out of balance and they require good medical guidance, but also individual inquiry and effort.

For me realising that I could and needed to take ownership, rather than solely relying on medical science, has helped me improve a lot. I realised that I was very disconnected from actually feeling, from listening to my body’s signals; from my own inherent wisdom. Yoga and Qigong opened the door to help me reconnect. 

Yoga is a mind-body practice, helping to unite the different layers (Koshas) of our being; the physical, energetic, mental/emotional, wisdom and deeper Self. Through the path of the 8-limbs of Yoga we are able to connect to the deeper Self and feel total connection to ourselves and the outside world. We have the realisation that we are all one; non-duality. We find our bliss by quieting the ‘monkey mind’, that incessant voice in our heads constantly judging/fixing/comparing and can completely present in the moment. No more reminiscing the past or ‘what if-ing’ the future. Just being here, right now.

To get to this state in our fast-paced world, we need to slow down and do the work of yoga. The path of yoga follows ethical standards (Yamas), spiritual observances (Niyamas), movement (Asana), breathwork (Pranayama), going inward (Pratyahara), focus (Dharana) so we can go deeper into meditation (Dhyana) in order to find our deeper Self or Bliss (Samadhi). Yoga is also not just practiced on the mat, you try to live your Yoga every day. By being mindful, practicing Yamas (like non-violence, truthfulness and non-stealing) and Niyamas (like contentment, self-study and discipline), setting an intention to be living your life with more purpose and awareness.

Yoga has has changed -perhaps even saved- my life as I found it when I was in a very dark place. I was struggling with my physical and mental health and I was giving up on life. Yoga made me feel strong and flexible both physically and mentally and it also helped to open my mind to the more spiritual aspects. I could break away from my closed “I Know” mindset into a more “Maybe” frame of mind, open to the idea that life gets far more interesting when you really listen and become curious.

The one aspect that I still found very difficult to connect with was the energetic part. The Kosha model in Yoga views us as having five layers, starting with the physical, which is the most tangible. The second layer is the energetic (Pranamaya Kosha) also known as the subtle body as it is something we can’t see but feel; it is the part of us where the energy flows. The energy flows through energy channels; the three major ones being the central channel (Sushumna) and Ida and Pingala (the left and right channels weaving around the central channel) representing the Yin (feminine) and Yang (masculine) energy in the body. Besides the 3 major channels the Yogis believe we have some 72.000 minor channels (or Nadis) transporting the energy (or Prana) through our body. Along the central channel there are 7 energy wheels (or Chakras) from the base of the spine to the crown of the head, all representing different developmental and emotional parts of our being. One more way of energy to flow through the subtle body are the five Winds (Vayus). These flows represent the way that air and energy can flow in, through and out the body and the energetic quality this creates.

As you can see, it is all quite involved and then I found out that there are other ways to map energy; when I started learning about Yin yoga, we learned there were 12 main energy channels and 8 extraordinary ones and that energy (now named Qi or Chi) was stored in three energy centres (or Dantian). Then while learning Thai Yoga massage, they used 10 energy channels (or 10 Sen) but I did recognise the 3 main energy channels (although named them slightly differently; Sumana, Ittha, Pinkala). Finally those energy channels have connection points on the surface of the skin (acupressure points) where we can stimulate/manipulate the energy via needles (acupuncture) or pressure (massage, tapping).

While this all got pretty complex, it was also remarkably easy. Energy (Prana, or Qi/Chi) flows through our body through channels (Nadis, or Meridians or Sen). It can concentrate in certain areas (Chakras or Dantian) and if the energy flows freely and we have enough of it, we feel balanced, healthy and happy. When energy is deficient or blocked, we feel unwell emotionally and/or physically.

I was able to understand this in my mind and was open to believing it to be true, but the disconnect happened with sensing into it. In my Yoga practices I could feel energised through movement and breath, but ‘feeling energy’ I couldn’t…. Enter Qigong!

Qigong (Qi = Life Force Energy, Gong= Work/Skill) came across my path some 15 years ago when for two years I would practice Tai Chi (a mind-body practice based on martial art used for health and meditation) for 2 hours a week. At the time I wasn’t practicing Yoga yet. The Tai Chi felt flowy, it required focus and movement and to memorise the sequence, all of which I loved. The first hour of the practice was Qigong; it was slow and repetitive and for me at the time perhaps a little too slow. Fast forward to 2020 where I reconnected with Qigong. This time as a Yogi. I was able to slow down, focus and enjoy the repetitive movement as a moving meditation. Very quickly I was able to tune into the sensations in my body, the tingling, swirling movement of Qi (Qigong uses the same energy map as we do in Yin Yoga where they speak of Qi and Meridians). I could actually feel the energy. With practice I can start feeling where energy flows, but also where it is blocked or deficient. This I believe is crucial in my healing process.

“Whereas Yoga played a vital part in helping me to reconnect my mind and body, Qigong has been instrumental in connecting to the part of me my western mind was struggling to tune into; my energy, subtle body, soul or deeper self.”

Energy is closely connected to Emotions. The energy sheat or subtle body (Pranamaya Kosha) sits between the Physical sheat (Annamaya Kosha) and the Mental/Emotional sheat (Manomaya Kosha). It is the link between the mind and the body and an important place to address mental and physical health.

Emotions, experiences, events which we haven’t properly processed (things we’ve experienced as traumatic), are stored in the body (see Bessel van der Kolk’s ‘The Body keeps the Score’ or Gabor Maté’s When the Body says No’ for more insights on this).  Furthermore, studies show that people suffering from IBD and other auto-immune illnesses who suffer from chronic fatigue, might suffer disrupted emotional processing. A lack of emotional regulation (unprocessed emotions, avoidance, suppressed emotions) might develop into anxiety and/or depression. Crohn’s disease itself can trigger traumatic experiences, worsening the illness and the emotions surrounding it. It’s a vicious cycle. So being able to better deal with emotions, in the moment through emotional regulation, but also the unprocessed emotions stored in the body, by being able to feel where the energy is blocked, I believe is a big part of my journey to better health.

Another simple yet highly effective tool is EFT (emotional freedom technique). EFT uses tapping on specific acupressure points (on those same meridians I mentioned from Yin Yoga and Qigong) in combination with recognising an emotion and positively affirming the underlying feeling (or limiting belief) was another big breakthrough. I feel I am about to extrapolate what I’ve learned so far from these simple yet powerful practices, the essential ingredient missing from my treatment plan; dealing with my dysregulated nervous system by working with and through my sublte/energy body. Finding the combination of awareness, focus, movement and understanding what energy to release, and what energy to strengthen I believe makes a big impact on health.

My plan is to keep combining Yoga and Somatics with Qigong and EFT in order to process emotions and balance my energy system. I want to share my practices with other people suffering with Chronic Illness such as Crohn’s and Colitis. More soon!

It might be easier to look into what makes us unhappy…

According to eastern philosophies, unhappiness or suffering is an experience of the mind; craving things we cannot have and having aversion to the things we do not want, in a life which is constantly changing and will eventually end.

Modern life thrives on knowledge; we believe in science so much, that it has overtaken religion.  It has brought us great advances, and in the space of a few centuries the ways humans live, has changed profoundly; our lives involve more comfort and jobs involve more analytical thinking and less physical activity.  With the arrival of our virtual world through social media, we have started living in our minds even more. What have I observed of my own adaptation to working life?

It started with my posture slowly becoming more rounded, compressing my abdomen and chest, and I suffered from tension in my neck and shoulders and pain in my back. My body might have been deteriorating (even more so after I became ill and had surgeries) but my mind was great; it was fast and I loved that I could make quick decisions and judgement calls. I started to disconnect from my body; tuning out from sensations, as most were unpleasant anyway.

The brain is not just a neat analytical processor, it also helps us interact with the outside world using our senses, controls our bodies (to some extent), it has complex emotions intertwined with memories and an innate hard-wiring to detect danger and keep us safe. This danger-detection works quicker than our thinking part of the brain; on autopilot, the emotions, triggering memories, in turn triggering more emotions, can take over before we have a chance to rationalise it. When these reactions are repeatedly triggered they can create patterns which start to impact the body; a depressed or anxious person might instinctively hold a protective posture; rounding forward, compressing the chest and abdomen. A stressed person, perhaps feeling they are always on the go, with a sense of alertness in the body, might tense the back muscles causing the back to arch. Emotional patterns start to live in the body and as much as the mind impacts the body, the body impacts the mind.

So there I was, thriving on thinking, being ‘in my brain’, speeding up my judgments, lots of activity in my brain. Patterns getting stuck in my body, creating a feedback loop constantly triggering more emotional states. I started to dislike myself for being such a judgemental person. I became depressed by the thoughts that I wasn’t a very nice person. I became anxious people didn’t like me. Why would they; I didn’t like me. I had constant negative chatter in my mind and a body which (to my mind) was broken.

Fortunately my body started hurting so bad that I had to take action. After trying various things, I found Yoga and it slowly started to open up the contracted muscles at the front of my body, and strengthening the muscles at the back. I started to enjoy the feeling of my body opening up. The most surprising effect however, was my mind. Yoga had started to slow those negative thoughts in my mind. There was a bit more space there, offering a relief from all that mental activity.

Yoga (a Sanskrit word) means the union of body, mind, soul, and spirit. The Yoga Sutras, written by Patanjali over 2000 years ago, is a practical guide book for the spiritual journey of remembering who we are.  For a person who couldn’t even connect to her body, this whole spirit thing was a bit ‘out there’.  But since my mind had been given a little space, I was perhaps becoming a bit more open to new things. Yoga sutras 1.2 says that “Yoga is quieting the fluctuations of the mind”. I started to realise that the physical aspect, even though massively important as a tool for getting out of my mind and releasing some of those emotions stored in my body, was only minor in comparison with this understanding of the mind.

For a long time, I identified with my thoughts and feelings, I didn’t realise that I was not my thoughts and therefor I got caught up in the stories playing (over and over) in my mind. The feeling of dislike for myself was real, but yoga philosophy was teaching me about the ‘monkey mind’; the egoic part of the mind that can trick you, and wants to mull over past events, and worry about the future. That it wants to hold on to the things it likes and pushes away the things it doesn’t like, it wants to avoid pain at all costs. The stream of consciousness (the stories we tell ourselves), these critical voices can be so strong, that we believe we the stories are real….

“Someday we will realise that the study of our personalities is more important than reading, writing and arithmetic.”

— Dr. John E. Sarno

A big part of yoga is meditation and mindfulness. They are practices which help us to be present to the moment, to become aware of our thoughts and emotions, to be open and curious and not judge; they help us find that deeper part of us, the observer. We increase the gaps between thoughts and observe the thought patterns, we learn to let go and create more space between the thoughts. They also allow us to observe the sensations we feel in our bodies and release the patterns we store there (this is why the movement of yoga is so powerful as we actually get deeper into those spaces while we are being mindful). Modern brain scans have shown the increase in activity in our thinking brain and a decrease in activity of the old part of the brain that is responsible for fear, and there is an improvement in the communication between them. Through mindfulness and meditation we are able to physically improve structures in the brain which will take us out of our autopilot, fear-mode, and we can pause and think and respond in a wise manor, rather than react instinctively. Before I knew the philosophy, I had already felt the impact of the physical practice (this moving meditation) on the feelings of anxiety and depression in my body and mind.

We have little control over our outside world and most of our conceptions of the world are an illusion; a false sense of security which modern life has provided. Change is inevitable and so is death. This should be an incentive to truly live in the moment, as ‘this moment’ is the only certainty we have. We better find tools to deal with the uncomfortable truth of the inevitability that life will end. Instead fearing it, we need to live the moments we have.

Practicing mindfulness, meditation, yoga, any form of mind-body practice, to reconnect mind and body (and soul and spirit), will help you to become a more connected person; with an open mind, without judgement, and with curiosity to learn and grow. It creates compassion, it helps us see that we are all human and that we all have hardships to go through and that we are all, deep down looking for the same thing. Connection. Do not get stuck in autopilot. Do not let fear win as it leads to separation and hate (for oneself and or others). It is why the world is in turmoil and in desperate need of repair. Start connecting to yourself, so you can connect to others.

“Yoga is the progressive settling of the mind into silence.
When the mind is settled, we are established in our own essential state,
which is unbounded consciousness.
Our essential nature is usually overshadowed by the activity of the mind”

— Patanjali, Yoga Sutras

25-minute practice for Stress and Anxiety

This is a 25 minute mindfulness practice with progressive muscle relaxation and autogenics.

This practice starts with a bodyscan leading to progressive muscle relaxation (PMR), which is a deep relaxation technique. It is used to control stress and anxiety, relieve insomnia, and reduce symptoms of certain types of chronic pain.

This is followed by autogenic training is a desensitization-relaxation technique where we use visual imagery and body awareness to reduce stress.

Try it and see if you feel more relaxed and grounded.

Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation that uses the Body Scan as one of the key elements of the practice. Yoga nidra, meaning ‘yogic sleep’ is a guided meditation, and is generally performed in the posture of Savasana, lying down, feet hip-width apart and with the eyes closed. 

Make yourself comfortable, perhaps cover yourself with a blanket and be open to the practice. You will be asked for a resolution or sankalpa (click here for an article),  so take a few moments beforehand to think about what this could be. I found that I had developed a very negative image of my body; it was ill and was letting me down. Instead of focussing on what it couldn't do, I wanted to be appreciative of the amazing things it could do, so I used "I am whole, healed and healthy". But it is very personal and can also change over time.

Yoga Nidra is great for anyone, but can be especially beneficial for people who have Crohn's or other stress-triggered illnesses and who need to reconnect with their bodies. There are many articles on the internet, click here for an example. Below some initial Yoga Nidra Sessions, just lie down, be comfortable and I hope it will leave you feeling relaxed and calm and might even trigger a healing process. The more you practice the more beneficial it becomes.