“Emotional competence requires the capacity to feel our emotions, so that we are aware when we are experiencing stress; the ability to express our emotions effectively and thereby to assert our needs and to maintain the integrity of our emotional boundaries; the facility to distinguish between psychological reactions that are pertinent to the present situation and those that represent residue from the past.

What we want and demand from the world needs to conform to our present needs, not to unconscious, unsatisfied needs from childhood. If distinctions between past and present blur, we will perceive loss or the threat of loss where none exists; and the awareness of those genuine needs that do require satisfaction, rather than their repression for the sake of gaining the acceptance or approval of others. Stress occurs in the absence of these criteria, and it leads to the disruption of homeostasis. Chronic disruption results in ill health.

In each of the individual histories of illness in this book, one or more aspect of emotional competence was significantly compromised, usually in ways entirely unknown to the person involved. Emotional competence is what we need to develop if we are to protect ourselves from the hidden stresses that create a risk to health, and it is what we need to regain if we are to heal. We need to foster emotional competence in our children, as the best preventive medicine.”

— Gabor Maté, When the Body says No

After reading ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ I saw an interview with Gabor Maté. He focussed on stress and chronic illness and in ‘When the body says No’ I recognised a lot of my own experiences.

“In this accessible and ground-breaking book--filled with the moving stories of real people--medical doctor and bestselling author Gabor Maté shows that emotion and psychological stress play a powerful role in the onset of chronic illness, including breast cancer, prostate cancer, multiple sclerosis and many others, even Alzheimer's disease.

When the Body Says No is an impressive contribution to research on the physiological connection between life's stresses and emotions and the body systems governing nerves, immune apparatus and hormones. With great compassion and erudition, Gabor Maté demystifies medical science and, as he did in Scattered Minds, invites us all to be our own health advocates.”

“When I am sharply judgmental of any other person, it’s because I sense or see reflected in them some aspect of myself that I don’t want to acknowledge.”

— Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction

In the Invisible Lion Benjamin Fry describes how our nervous system is wired and how our nervous system might become dysregulated (especially in our youth) through traumatic events. I saw him first in an interview with Bessel van der Kolk and thought he explained things well. He has made such a great explanation of the nervous system, the stress response and chronic stress and how it can affect our lives. It also contains a workbook to help you really understand your own wiring. Well worth a read!

“One of the main ideas of this book is that our species has become so sophisticated that our biology no longer functions properly. The breakdown was caused by the dawn of human self-awareness, and the result was widespread dysregulation in our nervous systems. This has caused significant damage in almost all aspects of our lives, from our health to our behaviour, our relationships, our families, our society and even to our planet.”

— Benjamin Fry

Your body is a sophisticated machine. If it were an automobile, it would be a top-of-the-line, luxury-class vehicle with all of the latest options. There’s just one problem: Your body was designed for the savannas of Africa, not the streets and sidewalks of some urban metropolis. This is a major issue due to one of your body’s great fail-safe systems: the stress-response mechanism, also called the “fight-or-flight syndrome.” This mechanism provides your body with its best chance to get away safely from sudden peril, such as when a lion attacks you. It immediately floods your muscles with robust energy. Thus strengthened, you are far more able to evade the hungry predator. Unfortunately, this same stress-response also kicks in during psychological stress. In much of modern city life (even without stalking lions), such stress is often chronic, making your stress-response mechanism work dangerously overtime, and putting your body at risk of numerous stress-related disorders and diseases. Robert M. Sapolsky, a leading neuroendocrinologist, explains it all in this lively and entertaining, yet highly informative book. He writes with delightful, ironic verve and dry, irrepressible wit. He details how chronic stress can undermine your health, and explains what you can do about it, even in the urban jungle.

“If you’re stressed like a normal mammal in an acute physical crisis, the stress response is lifesaving. But if instead you chronically activate the stress response for reasons of psychological stress, your health suffers.”

— Robert M. Sapolsky